My hand turned me down
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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