i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
