your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
