she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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