So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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