I hate all girls vehemently.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
