so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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