Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
