I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
