do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
