meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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