what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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