I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
