He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
