I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
