You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
