And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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