he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
