You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
