is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
