He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
