sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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