Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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