watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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