Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
