Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
