The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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