mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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