i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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