I just saw a hot homeless man
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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