Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
