What did we do last night that was yellow?
what day is it and did you see me today?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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