Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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