those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
