it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
