Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just forgot I was standing up.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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