so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
