i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
