i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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