I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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