I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
