Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
