I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
