Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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