As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
