Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
as a side note pls kill me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
