im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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