chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
