New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
