If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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