So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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