She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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