Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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