I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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