Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
