we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
