I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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