hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
