Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
