i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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