you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
