I hope mine doesn't look like that
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
